In high conflict divorces, a parenting coordinator helps parties make decisions in the best interest of their children.
When parties who share custody of children cannot agree with each other on parenting decisions, from summer camps to education, they need a way to resolve disputes clearly and move forward. A parenting coordinator can assist the parties in making decisions in the best interest of their child without resorting to the courts.
How does it work?
Parenting coordination is similar to mediation in that the coordinator assists the parties in finding solutions, yet the settlement agreement or court order will either control or guide the role and responsibilities of the parenting coordinator. Additionally, the process may vary depending on the terms of the parties' agreement or the scope of the retainer agreement with the parenting coordinator. For example, If one parent wants the child to play t-ball and the other wants her to play soccer, the parenting coordinator will meet with the parties (virtually or in-person, based on the preferences of the parties) to understand the motivations behind the decision and work with them to identify solutions. If the parties cannot agree and if granted the authority by the parties’ parenting agreement, the parenting coordinator may make a final decision, so long as it aligns with one of the parties. To do this, the coordinator may contact “collaterals,” such as the school guidance counselor if the decision involves education or the pediatrician and child’s teachers if the decision involves medication.
When do we involve a parenting coordinator in the process?
The scope of a parenting coordinator’s involvement and authority in a matter is usually either granted to the parenting coordinator in the settlement agreement, or ordered by the court as the parties navigate their custody issues during divorce or following a divorce in a post-judgment custody proceeding, or in a non-matrimonial custody court proceeding. The parenting coordinator is meant to implement, not interpret, the agreement. Thus, it is wise for the parties to identify a parenting coordinator earlier in the process so that their settlement agreement is written effectively.
On what issues can a parenting coordinator provide assistance?
Parenting coordinators address and help remedy conflict over issues concerning the children, which can cover anything from scheduling issues to extracurricular activities to whether a child should take a certain medication.
For example, if their agreement states that the children will have parenting time with a parent on particular days, and subsequent to the agreement, one parent has a routine work obligation on his or her day necessitating an adjustment to the schedule, the parenting coordinator can help the parties navigate that issue and a potential interim change. As another example, if one parent feels the child would benefit from taking a particular medicine and the other parent is against it, the parenting coordinator can speak with the child’s school and pediatrician and help the parties reach a decision in the best interest of the child. Finally, if one parent feels the child would benefit from playing soccer and the other parent prefers football for the child, the parenting coordinator can assist with evaluating the pros and cons of each, in the best interest of the child, and either help the parties make a decision, or make the decision herself (as guided by the agreement).
Our Process
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When parties who share custody of their children cannot agree, their attorneys might refer them to a number of parenting coordinators to interview and decide who may best support them in making decisions for their children once they are divorced.
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We recommend that the parents meet with a couple of coordinators to see who they think is the best fit for them. This depends on the family. Some parties might want a matrimonial lawyer who has experience with younger children, children with special needs, or has a background with high conflict cases. Others may prefer to use a therapist or mental health provider.
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In drafting their divorce settlement agreement, the parties will contract around the parenting coordinator’s authority. The settlement agreement should clearly delineate protocol, scope, the authority of the coordinator to speak with collaterals, and the coordinator’s decision-making power when the parties are unable to come to an agreement. By devising a settlement agreement with clear terms around the parenting coordinator’s role, the parties are more likely to avoid conflict and confusion when issues arise later.
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Once the parties decide upon their parenting coordinator, they sign a retainer agreement with the parenting coordinator. The parties jointly retain the coordinator. Therefore, the parenting coordinator does not represent either party, and communications between the parenting coordinator and both parties must be transparent.
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When issues arise and the parties cannot agree on their own, they meet with the parenting coordinator in order to seek solutions. These sessions can be held jointly or individually. Following sessions, the coordinator sends a summary email to the parties. If sessions are completed individually, the coordinator will copy both parties on summary emails so there is transparency.
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If the parties can agree to a decision, they will act accordingly. If not, the coordinator may take some additional steps to make a final decision, such as having additional sessions with one party or contacting third parties (the collaterals).
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If permitted by the agreement, court order, or retainer terms, when the coordinator needs more information to make a decision, he or she may contact collaterals, such as the pediatrician, therapist, child’s teachers, or the school guidance counselor.
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Once relevant information has been gathered, the parties make a final decision. If the parties have not come to an agreement, the parenting coordinator may make the final decision if he or she has been given this authority by the parties’ settlement agreement. If the parenting coordinator does not have this authority and the agreement does not provide an alternate mechanism, the parties may resolve the issue in court. The parties follow the decision and meet with the parenting coordinator again as needed.
Meet Our PARENTING COORDINATORS
Our parenting coordinators are thoughtful and bold decisionmakers who help families resolve conflict and focus on their children’s wellbeing.
Rower’s parenting coordinators adopt a collaborative approach in resolving a family’s issues, yet they are not afraid to make decisions and consult with the appropriate collaterals when the couple is unable to agree. They recognize that parties are divorced and ongoing disagreement may complicate the parties’ ability to agree; by working powerfully with sensitivity, they help couples act out of their children’s best interest.
This material is provided for informational purposes and does not constitute legal advice or establish an attorney-client relationship, which may be established only by a writing signed by the lawyer and the client.